that's what she said.

It's incredibly difficult to concentrate on structural and nutritional polysaccharides when the sun is shining and making me feel like a hermit stuck inside. I have not been out of the house in 2.5 days. Lucky I have to train at the tennis club today or this would make day three. Study season always puts me in a foul mood towards my parents. I feel bad, but when they start talking all I want to do start a fight. It's so hard! This University student life.

at least they give me money.

Just feeling very annoyed at the moment. My manager called yesterday claiming that she no longer has any shifts for me on the Friday night that I have been working  for over a year now which I work with two girls. I know for a fact that she decided to take me off it because she thinks three people are too much at the counters at that time. What I would like to know is why she is taking the shift away from me and not the girl that has been working with us for a year now and still doesn't know where anything is in the store. I'm not being bias, I am 500 x the worker she will ever be at our store and I have been working here for 3 years now. Well anyway by today I had gotten used to the idea and decided that at least I will work every second Sunday to replace that night shift (though without my friday night fever work friends). THEN work calls me today. Today is Friday.

Work: Oh Hi, so we don't have anyone  covering the counters from 1 to 4 so can you come in?
Me: I was told there was no work for me on Friday anymore.
Work: Yes but we actually need someone today..
Me: So you only want me to work 3 hours? The minimum is four..
Work: You can work your normal 2-9 shift plus an extra hour if you don't mind.
Me: Ok I will.

So what the hell? I was going to go shoe shopping after some solid microbiology study. So annoyed. I hate not knowing what the bloody hell is going to happen when I wake up in the morning.

Alright so Gossip Girl got a lot better after episode 10. But I'm still only watching due to the fact that I feel a responsibility to after having seen the previous three seasons. About the same as I feel I must watch Breaking Dawn now that I have seen Twilight etc. I do not feel any excitement however. I repeat; no excitement. I do find it motivational how Blair is always so organized and herself motivated to become this powerful woman. Sure she has a maid and all this money behind her to fall back on, but I don't need that. I can achieve my dreams in biochemistry and microbiology; this achievement will also lead to my traveling the world. I know I am a woman meant for the world. I have seen it and after getting a taste I will not allow it to slip away from view. Now to make this dream a reality I must complete this essay which I really would rather have done in the next 15 minutes. Wish me luck,
Kasia xx

Really feeling the stress of exam season kicking in. It wouldn't be so bad if I could be studying for them right now however, I have these darn tasks that need finishing before semesters end. At the same time I'm having a bout of the ugly; self conscious. I never thought I had all these weaknesses, I'm finding so many of them as of late. I was meant to be stronger than this. The past was meant to have hardened me. Though it has hardened me, it has also given me all these flaws. That episode of Glee, I wonder if you saw it? When they sang "Born This Way" and had the white t-shirts with their vice printed on it. I think that mine would read "Headstrong". I cannot stand it when people tell me what to do. I rebel and want to do this opposite of whatever I'm told. I can contain myself with authority ie work which is a relief.

Sometimes I think about all the foods I eat in a day and wish that I hadn't had any of it.
Today:

2 x TOAST
3 X MANDARIN
2 X MUESLI BAR
1 X PASTA

If I hadn't had the toast perhaps...or my dinner, then I might be thinner than I am. I'm not anorexic or bulimic! I don't have the willpower to fast. But I do wish I was thinner, every time I look in the mirror and see my thighs. Woah this wasn't meant to be such a grim post. Sorry?

Kasia xx

are you still showing off?

Oh hey guys, kind of awkward still being alive an all. No zombies in Australia as far as I can see.. unless this is heaven which would be terrible since I always thought heaven would be a lot cloudier; friendlier. Oh well! Better luck next apocalypse. So, where was I on my European whirlwind adventure? Ah! I was going to spill on all the places I'll finally be seeing with my own eyes.
We begin in London. Two days there to get over out jet lag before we make our way by the English Channel to Paris, France to sample the croissants and fall in love on the River Seine. Next stop, Italy! Florence, Rome and Venice all on the must see list. I can hardly wait to be serenaded on the watery streets of Venice in a traditional gondola. Never mind the gelato and pizza! Mangia, mangia! Further adventures await in Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Croatia, Amsterdam, Netherlands, Switzerland, Belgium, Poland! Am I leaving anybody out? At the conclusion of our tour we head back to London for a week of shopping and sightseeing! Highlights include a visit to Bath, Stonehenge and a musical at the west end. Oh, adventure truly awaits!
Side note: Started watching Gossip Girl Season Four. Wow; really disappointed. I used to connect to these characters on some kind of level but they've all become so bitter and they just back stab each other all the time. Not one of them is kind. I don't know if I like this show anymore. Rest in peace Gossip Girl Season 1-3. (I'm only on episode four though, perhaps I am being to quick to judge!).

london calling!

Oh what a creative title! Tis only fitting however and therefore it shall remain. My heart has always belonged in Europe. Though I was born in Melbourne (just!) my parents are both Polish. Mother from Katowice and Father from Warsaw. I've never really felt at home here in Australia and when Eurovision comes around every year I feel homesick and depressed. My life will lead me back to Europe one day; for now I'm only visiting! The first two trips were mainly to Poland with stops in Germany, Slovakia and Amsterdam. After pining for Europe and hoping mum would decide she too was ready to go on a holiday I've taken things into my own hands and decided to go solo! I was really happy to be independent and go all on my own! I'd already planned every inch of my trip! Then my best friend said she may be interested in going too. I won't say I wasn't happy, but I wasn't over the moon. This was my chance for adventure and I didn't want anybody taking over my plans. I was silly. Of course it will be better with her with me. To share this experience will be a dream. I didn't want to share. That was selfish. We have paid off our flights and booked all accommodation and tours. But that's for my next post! I have known my best friend for.. almost 8 years now and we are inseparable. To be on a plane together, in hotels, partying in London and all that shopping will be a dream. And it would be nice to have each other take photos of the other with all the beauty on offer.

I've a major weakness for English accents; I hope this doesn't get me into too much trouble ;) I won't say no to a little trouble though. Before I can even think about all this I have two rounds of exams to go. One round in two weeks and the other at the end of the year. Is it weird I get excited for exams? Yes. So excuse me while I study my Microbiology notes and then head off to work to earn spending money. So much shopping awaits!

Kasia xx

unattractive

There are days on which I know I've dressed well, put my make up on smoothly; I just feel confident. These are the days on which I see heads turn and it feels good. It feels great. No, amazing in fact. Perhaps I'm an attention seeker, or perhaps I just want what most girls want. To feel beautiful.
Other days I realize that I'm not in a relationship and nobody has asked me out it quite a bit of time. I'm not the time of girl that needs a guy to be happy. I'm a confident independent woman. However I do feel at times that my quirky, bubbly and sometimes weird nature is a turn off to all the guys that I'm attracted to. The guys that are attracted to me, I'm just not vice versa. When I'm smiling people are always so nice to me! I smile, and people usually smile back. Another curse. When I'm sitting on my own, anywhere, I may be thinking about nothing in particular, just not smiling. I have a poker face so to speak. No expression in particular on my face. This is when people think I'm a bitch. I either smile and be loved or just relax and be sent death stares. What!? Why!
I don't like to display my weaknesses but here I'll admit that I'm self conscious. About so many things. My body image is more important to me that I would like it to be.